How Are Transgender Women Really Women?

I recently wrote a small post on social media about an executive order pertaining to transgender issues.

Someone I knew from high school left a comment that said, “How are transgender women…women? Biologically they are not. They have/had a penis. Trans men slaughter biological women in sports and rob them of scholarships and benefits and money etc. Allowing men in women’s sports is another way to subjugate biological women.” 

I started to answer his question in a reply comment, but I feel like the answer deserves more justice than a Facebook reply, so it has now become a post on my website.

For anyone who has ever judged someone with depression and then experienced their own bout with depression later on, you can probably vouch that you couldn't judge depression accurately prior to your own experience with it. 

If you have ever known anyone whose depression contributed to a decision to end their own life, you may never understand that level of depression. Humans have a powerful instinct to survive. If someone's suffering is strong enough to overpower the instinct to live, that is a level of depression that, hopefully, you will never understand. It does not, however, in any way, make their suffering less real.  

I know there are people out there that have a lot of opinions about being transgender.  The truth is you do not know what you haven't experienced. 

Many things we don't understand or haven't experienced might feel "unnatural" or confusing at first. When I learned about sex at the age of ten, it seemed incredibly unnatural. It also seemed outrageously dangerous to me (foreign body parts being placed in sensitive areas, etc.) I asked my mom if I would have to go to the hospital to have sex. At the time, a sterile environment with doctors there to supervise sexual activities felt completely appropriate to me. 

I'm sure many of you will be glad to know that I now enjoy frequent, unsupervised sexual activities in the comfort of my own home with a straight husband! Arriving here, however, was a process. It took me over a decade to fully accept that sex with my first husband, who was gay, was damaging to both of us. We were both virgins when we got married, so again, you don't know what you don't know.  

Please think back to something you learned about that was once new and foreign to you, but after learning about it, you came to understand it in a new light. That is how I would like you to approach being transgender. 

Someone on Facebook recently asked me how I could call a trans woman a woman. In order to answer that, you need to recognize the differences between gender and an organism's sex. 

Many organisms, not just humans, have different classifications of biological sex. These classifications are usually based on sexual reproduction. There are not just two biological sexes in humans. Intersex individuals are born with variations in their sex characteristics and often do not fit in the male/female binary. They can have a combination of both male and female biological traits. For example, some intersex people have both ovarian and testicular tissue. 

Biological sex and gender are different things. Gender and our conceptions of masculinity and femininity are social constructs. They encapsulate beliefs that are influenced by culture, religion, individual experiences, etc. and they can change over time. For example, up until the 1940's, pink was considered a masculine color. 

When I refer to a woman, I am using a definition similar to the one used on the Stanford Medicine Educational Technology website which states that a woman is "a term used to describe someone who self-identifies as a woman or as feminine based on what is important to them as an individual -- including gender roles, behavior, expression, identity, and/or physiology." (https://mededucation.stanford.edu/glossary/woman/) 

According to this definition, trans women are women. If you don’t agree with me, I ask that you continue reading with an open mind. 

Someone is considered trans if their biological sex doesn't match their gender identity. This is where a lot of cisgender folks (people whose biological sex does match their gender identity) start getting confused. 

I've heard people say, "I don't care if a female wants to dress up like a tomboy. That's fine with me, but just call it like it is. It's a woman dressed up like a man." What this statement is lacking is an understanding between gender identity and gender expression. 

Gender identity refers to how someone feels in their own body. Gender expression is the way they present themselves to the world in a gendered way. If you were born a male and you also identify as a man, you are a cisgender man. When most people look at you, they categorize you as a man. 

Now let's imagine you decided to change your gender expression for a day. You might put on a wig, a dress, and some makeup. Bam--you've changed your gender expression. Chances are, however, that people will still identify you as a man dressed in women's clothing. And that probably wouldn't bother you, in fact, you might even take it as a compliment, because you identify as a man. 

Gender identity is a completely different thing. It is something that I, as a cisgender woman, did not understand until I had talked with many trans people about their experiences.

If you're a biological male, when you're taking a shower or using the bathroom, you're seeing and interacting with a male body. If you are cisgender, it all matches with your experience. But what would happen if you woke up tomorrow, went to the bathroom, and found labia and a clitoris instead of a penis? I'm guessing you would be highly disturbed. 

I'm sure people will say, "Of course! Anyone would be disturbed if they woke up one day and their genitals were switched with that of the opposite sex." True, some of the shock would come from the overnight change. For the sake of this analogy, let's say that this change stays and you have labia and a clitoris for decades. I'm almost positive that once the overall shock had worn off, and ten years passed with you still having a labia and clitoris, you would still experience distress. And, of course you would be distressed. In your mind, you know you are male and you should have a penis. In this case, your gender identity would not match your biological sex. 

I know this is not a perfect analogy and there are arguments that can be made against my less than perfect scenario. It is impossible for me to find an exact equivalent for a cisgender individual. The point is for you to actually imagine how it would feel if the gender you identify with on the inside didn’t match your physical body. 

Actually pointing yourself in that position will make a lot of people really uncomfortable. And when we are uncomfortable, we want to put up our shields and defend ourselves. That is a normal human reaction. 

Rather than try and defend your position, I am asking for you to have some compassion for that experience. I have found whenever I instinctively put up my defenses to save myself from discomfort, I am passing on the opportunity to learn, grow, and show compassion for someone else. Compassion and kindness is something most religions and spiritual practices encourage. 

Please, take a moment to think about what it would feel like if every time you took a shower, every time you went to the bathroom, and every time you engaged in a sexual activity, the body you interacted with didn’t match your internal identity. For most people, that would cause significant distress. That is gender dysphoria.  

It should also be said that gender dysphoria can also happen for non-binary individuals who don’t identify solely with being either a man or a woman. 

Gender dysphoria often begins in childhood, but for some people, they don't experience it until after puberty when sex characteristics become more prominent. For others, they may not experience dysphoria until they are significantly into adulthood.  

 (https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria)

Again, unless you experience gender dysphoria, you have no right to judge it. You do not understand it! Please have compassion and allow transgender and non-binary individuals live as their authentic selves.